The Unknown

This time last year, I was on my second month of my new job; Freshly graduated and was being an employee for the first time. I met a bunch of new people that have since become my friends, it's crazy how a year has changed my entire relationship with the people I have worked with. And it's even crazier how a year has brought many new people into my life that have since become some of the most important souls to me.

Two-thousand seventeen was the year of a new beginning, the year of new friendships, the year of new kinds of love, the year of good memories and (perhaps recklessly) leaping of faith. I have met beautiful people with so many different stories, few have become my closest ones. And of all those few, one in particular has had the biggest influence on how I see and perceive things.

There have been lessons in patience, in understanding, and in being happy, but most importantly, a lesson in being in touch with my feelings and being able to open up and letting myself cry. I have never been opened and being able to let my feelings out to anyone, until I met this one beautiful soul. Having a heart so big and love as deep as the ocean, this one has built a shelter for me to safely let out all emotions, and I am still sad that my home had to move so faraway; You are a very good friend of mine and I thank you.

Being in touch with my feelings feel very new and peculiar, I have been a train-wreck full of emotions since the beginning of the year, and to be able to feel is still not my favorite concept. I worry too much and I think of the unknown. It's pointless really, but since I let myself to feel, I have also let myself to build anxiety that have come and gone a few times now. I am still learning to let go of control and to not worry of the unknown, to not be affected by feelings that would bring me down, and to get up on my feet when I'm shoved down. 

Logically, I know what make sense, but streams of emotions have sometimes drifted me into a pool of unsettling sadness and anxiousness. I have no idea of what two-thousand eighteen would bring me, but I'm pretty sure it will be a year full of lessons of handling myself and my emotions. The unknown scares me still, but the people and love I have found are making it a bit less scary.

Photography by: Michelle Sal. / iPhone 7

Graduated

I have finally graduated from college with bachelor degree of art! I have actually finished the study since a couple of months ago when I passed the thesis final presentation, but the graduation ceremony was just held last week. The ceremony was quite long and was a bore, but I was sitting close by my friends, so we had a pretty good time during the long ceremony, even though we were half asleep due to the early morning starting schedule. We had our photos taken afterwards with each other, and also other friends who came to congratulate and give us flowers, we went back to celebrate with each of our family and some of them actually made friends and got acquainted. I am deeply thankful and grateful for all the people who have been around since day one and stuck around until the end of college; I thank you for the support, laugh, advice, and many more. To my family, closest friends, classmates, lecturers, seniors, and every one who have had roles during my college years, you have been crucial every step of the way!

As good as it feels to be free from any responsibility, I will miss the hours of struggling to complete a project and skipping sleeps after sleeps just to catch up with deadlines. I will miss the Skype video chats and hours of silence during the calls just to keep each other company while working on the projects. I will miss the freezing classes and backseats filled with juicy gossips and complains about life and classes. I will miss saying hi to other friends in hallways and I will also miss the snack counter selling the nicest treats in campus. I will miss the ramen counter and also the expensive lunch one, and I will miss the sofas where we lay down for hours working on other projects, eating, and sleeping while waiting for the next classes. Thank you to all my friends for the good times, and thank you to all my family for the support!

On Monday, 2 days after the graduation ceremony, I was hired and started working as a graphic designer at a lifestyle and retail company. They are quite well known among the young people in Jakarta, and I actually enjoy being a part of the brand development team, even though the commute takes quite a portion of my time and paycheck. The bosses are very welcoming since day one, and so are the people working there; Even though they are much older than I am, they always try to reach out and make me feel like I'm part of their team. So far, working at this new place has been pleasing, I am excited to experience new days and meet new people along the way!

Photography by: Michelle Sal. / Canon 60D

Gloom

As much as I wanted to do more photography for personal project both digitally and manually, lately, I have found it very hard to find interesting objects and places to be explored. I don't usually find it hard to capture and gather photo collections for my blog or Instagram, but lately everything I see has been dull and unattractive. It's such a waste, since I got myself two toy-cameras some time ago, I have not finished any of my rolls even though I am very excited to have the films developed. 

I would really love to visit new places to hunt for some new photos, I really cannot wait to see the film rolls developed. I am also keen on starting to learn to cruise on a Penny board, and currently in the looking for a new 22" Penny. It's fun to imagine going on a cruise while hunting for photos, I might ask a friend to come along with me to do so. Apparently, I have lost interest in shooting minimalist, clean photos, instead, I have been editing photos in gloomy, grey-ish tone now; kind of how I've been feeling lately.

I have been feeling bored and dull with my current situation, and I have been wanting to learn new skills like learning German and to ride a Penny skateboard. Instead, all I have managed to learn is to apply basic makeup. I am surprised at myself for having an interest in makeup at all, my mother is very fond of this idea. It's fun and I enjoy layering myself with fine products, I love it best when I apply some natural-dewy look. Not only makeup, I have been growing fondness of skincare too, they feel good and improve skin quality, and they mostly come with beautiful packaging too. But let's get back to this topic some time later.

I haven't been to any new places and I barely left the house since a few months ago for some unknown reasons, but I have picked up a new hobby to train and try to gain weight. For about a month now, I have been training based on Nike+ Training Club exercises, it started as an effort to gain more weight since I have been said to be too skinny. But I have actually enjoyed myself training for about 3-4 times a week now, it feels good and I feel like some of my body parts have improved in definition.  

By the way, no, I have not got myself an employment, and I don't really feel bad about it somehow. I have more time to explore more (important/unimportant) interests, well at least up until the graduation day or the new year's. I have been called for a couple of interviews, but nothing have got me hooked so far; I have another one this Friday, I hope this one suits me well.

Photography by: Michelle Sal. / iPhone 5s